The 10-minute review – 17: Janelle Monáe



A fly has flown straight into my freshly-poured glass of Dr Pepper, entirely distracting me from what I was about to type. I bought the Dr Pepper because sugar tax pushes Coke 20p or so out of my reach in Sainsbury’s. I crave sugar. Today, I rode my bicycle – a ladies’ bike, because I never did see the point of no crossbar – to the station. It felt good, a whisper of freedom between my legs. For dinner, an Iceland curry – one of four for £5. Watch The Simpsons while dreaming idly of Janelle and Amanda. They say the devil is in the details, but that is not always true is it? The details distract, derail. The troll is in the details. Damn fly. Did you know that once the priest consecrates the communion wine, it is a near-sin to throw it away as it is now the blood of Jesus? This is why you see so many drunk Vicars.

Sex. I mean, I love ‘Pynk’ with its breathy Grimes and suggestion of restraint… and OMG! that video! I was in STITCHES I tell you! STITCHES!

I love ‘Make Me Feel’ even more. First time out, I swear to whichever Goddess you are choosing to believe in right now that I had no idea of the Prince connection and my immediate thought was ‘Kiss’. That is ‘Kiss’ as in the Prince song ‘Kiss’ not kiss as in tongues exchanging mouth saliva and swirling round places I’d rather not think about although honest to Goddess it ain’t so fucking different. And man alive! You watched those Prince videos recently? Shiver. Must we fling this filth at our pop kids?

Oh yes please.

So Janelle Monáe is like that too. Adult, but not dull given-up Haywards Heath half-cut hair salon adult. Sexy MF adult, alert and alive and appreciative of all of life’s possibilities and twists and graveyard turns. ‘Pynk’ is a salacious drool, a knowing tease that straddles the line between fantasy and reality with a wicked knowing wink. ‘Make Me Feel’ takes it all to a next level that even Radio One DJs can understand and that is some fucking trick I can tell you, take it to a level that even Nick Grimshaw does not feel uncomfortable discussing. Sex. This video haunts my dreams in a way only Amanda Palmer has managed. At least, I wish this video would haunt my dreams in a way only Amanda Palmer has managed.

This is life, all its possibilities still splayed out, panting and ready for you. That’s just the way she makes me feel. So fuckin’ real.

And wait. What the hell is this?

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